Bears, Bras and Beasts!

The girls got her groove back and damn is it funky! I apologise for my total lack of coolness with regards to my opening statement but I ran last night and totally smashed it.

Well, I sort of smashed it.

Last night I ran the…drum roll…I ran the slip road! Yes, that beast of a hill that links the bottom of Merthyr to the top and I ran it!

Now, I’m not saying it was an easy task, in fact, it was bloody difficult. After all, I am famous for being the girl who’s very like a cow…I don’t do uphill! Well, I didn’t do uphill now I’m like Yoda of the incline.

I’d had yet another shitty day in work just to add to the shitty days I appear to be collecting at the daily grind and vowed that I’d be donning the trainers immediately; which I did, just after I’d given Fizzabeth a cwtch, had a wee and popped an ugly looking chicken in the oven.

As I stretched my way to confidence I gave a silent little prayer that I wouldn’t disgrace myself on such a public road and that the chicken didn’t explode or come out soaking wet again.

I started off the run making my way through Merthyr which is just pleasant because it’s firstly all down hill and secondly flat until you get to the base of the slip road.

Down hill running for a chubby girl is not much fun! Its no fun in fact as my cheeks, belly, thighs and even my ears wobbled as the gradient did the work. I have to be careful how I land running down hill too, one wrong move and I’m pretty sure my knee would participate in its popping out trick.

Now, everyone bangs on about the slip road for stamina so I was pretty nervous in the two miles leading up to the beast. I say pretty nervous, what I mean is bricking it and as my body and brain connected I can now proudly add Twyn Hill to the unusual places that my hoop starts to twitch and I need a shit!

Yes, well done body. Normal people get flight or fight mode I get shit or lie on the floor and pretend your dead mode.

Thankfully the moment passed and I was able to concentrate on how bloody tight the two bra invention was and how at one point I wondered whether I could breathe without it hurting?

Scotty Boy always says; ‘You’ll hate the slip road. It’s boring. Its all uphill and the cars are coming from behind you so you cant see what’s happening.’ I thought this a silly thing to say seen’s as I’d much rather not see what’s going on.

Then it hit me. I couldn’t see them but they could see me! But not only could they see me, they were getting a spot on, top notch view of my fat arse as I waddled up the bloody thing!

Of course, I only came to this earth shattering, confidence breaking conclusion four paces into the hill.

Too late to do anything about it.

Shit!

Holy Shit!

I figured the best way to tackle the hill and its bendy incline was to run to the road signs. You know? Just get to the ‘bend in the right’ sign then to the ‘pedestrian’ sign then the ‘beware of bears’ sign. I shake my head and realise my eyes are fuzzy and I’m actually hallucinating as the rise takes its toll on both my calves and my imagination.

Its at this point I have to admit, I did have to in cooperate a few seconds of walking every now and then…it was technically a must as the damn thing gets steeper and steeper and then flatter and then steeper again.

By the time I got to the top only a mere two honks from massive lorries that made me jump like a chubby jogger that had been honked at, I was elated! I’d done it and I’d done it in good timing and the only complaint I had was my nipples were a bit sore but I think that’s down to the tightness of the tents, I mean, bras.

‘That wasn’t too bad.’ I actually vocalised out loud to myself and then shook my head wondering if insanity had finally kicked in somewhere between the Forty mile per hour post and roundabout approaching?

As I make my descent back on normal stomping ground a tall Gurons boy and Staffordshire bull terrier come into my view and I wonder whether the plot has been lost or was my husband walking my dog?

After he waved I realised it was in fact Scotty Boy and Fizz, not an oasis. I jog my way to them shaking my head.

‘Good God girl,’ Scotty Boy said, ‘Your tits are bouncing well there.’

I’m considering three bras today?

What do you think?